God bless people for trying to soften the blow when what they really mean is that they don’t like the look of someone.
But dismissing a potential date at first glance isn’t a smart move for anyone looking for love – or passion!
So we essentially have a shot with the man who thinks we’re “hot.” [NOTE: if you’re looking for someone who sees you for so much more, try Meet Mindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.] The mistake I see being made by so many of today’s modern day women who are dating is to date like a man, first, “targeting” the men she’s most attracted to, when the harsh reality is that the likelihood that he’s attracted to “her type” physically is actually, quite slim.
He might be the guy who’s attracted to specific demographics, like model-thin Asian women or perhaps only to women with Kardashian curves, which might knock her out of the running entirely.
The secret is to give a real chance to a man who meets your top five critical criteria, who is indeed interested in you and attracted to you, if you feel good in his presence.
So often we focus on trying to figure out how THEY are feeling and that is a waste of time. Every time you wonder what he is thinking, redirect to what YOU are feeling. “Gosh this coffee tastes like the coffee I had in Hawaii last year.” Or “I notice your tie is the color of your eyes. Force yourself to hold off all decisions about him. Do a quick body scan to see if you have any aches, pains or pleasures you can make a mental note of. Being able to accept the present reality, whether you like it or not can be a helpful dating strategy.
So when you’re in doubt, how do you know if she’s a good fit for you?
This becomes increasingly important the more dates you go on.
There’s nothing fair about attraction and the gender distinctions surrounding attraction. I’ve been surveying men and women since 1990, asking this question: I find it fascinating that around 85 percent of the women I’ve asked that question said “Yes” to that question. Any woman who wouldn’t sail off into the sunset with him on the yacht in Fifty First Dates should literally have her head examined…
My colleague, Alison Armstrong actually has a term for this, she calls it “The Adam Sandler Effect.” Adam Sandler is a fine example of a man whose physical presence might not stop traffic… The sad reality for us ladies is that when I ask this question to thousands and thousands of men, less than five percent I’ve asked say “Yes” to that question.